Jealousy means I'm GREAT

2011-07-07T00:33:00.002+08:00

He gives me strength. He showers me with unconditional love. He feeds me.He pampers me. He puts me to sleep. Hes like a brother, a father , a mother , a sister and a friend all packed into one. Yeah sometimes he annoys me, pisses the hell out of me. Hurt me, made me cry, disrespect me and whatever not. But I know he is the one for me cause he forgives me no matter how atrocious i can be. Yeah sometimes i wished he wouldn't do or say things i hate but what the heck, this is life. Im bound to be in those state every now and then. Stupid arguments, silly unrelevant questions and annoying antics is what i go through everyday. What WE go through.

What I'm trying to point out here is that, i love this guy. This guy whom honestly speaking, deserves a girl which suits him best. Im a total opposite of him.

Helmi Johari

I look up to him though he doesn't realise it. I know he can guide me in everything good. But i really think he needs to know how to handle me. Its been a year now, he's yet to know how to handle me. Or should i say, TAME me. Hahahaha.

I know he wants the best for me. He gets super duper worried for nothing whenever i'm out with my friends. How cute. Unfortunately, it gets to me when he started yelling on the phone when he's panicking. Makes me wanna yak-dussh him.

Anyways, if you're reading this now love, I wanna tell you how im feeling right now.

Im hurt.

I love you many many.

2010-05-10T12:54:00.000+08:00

Helmi is being very mean to me NOW.

what an asswipe.

The start of a new journey.

2010-05-10T10:14:00.011+08:00

Well at least i hope it would be.

Hehs-

SON OF A BITCH

2010-02-09T03:33:00.002+08:00

You can go and rot in hell. Fuck your stupid excuses. Fuck your stupid fucked up ego. Fuck all those bullshits. Fuck all your fucked up promises. Fuck your life. Fuck everything about you. FUCK YOU. YOU CAN FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF MOTHER FUCKER. FUCK OFF ASSHOLE. FUCKING COWARD. FUCKING USELESS WORTHLESS CREEP. FUCK YOU FUCKED UP HEARTLESS JERK.

FUCK YOU.

you actually thought i would ever bring myself that low to you?

FUCK YOU.

if you think i'm that fucking fucked up? look at yourself.

FUCK YOU.

for 3 fucking years i've put up with you and your fucking shits and you still can do this to me again?

FUCK YOU.

you can wipe away that crocodile tears you shed cos it aint working on me.

FUCK YOU.

i've wasted my life with you. i regret listening to you about "that"

FUCK YOU.

I FUCKING HATE YOU.

Chocolate Flavoured Milk

2009-12-14T15:19:00.003+08:00

Hi guys. It's been ages since i last updated all due to laziness and me being so caught up with work and stuff. Well, here i am thinking of what to type cos as usual, i have no idea how to start. Kalau ade camera kan senang then the pictures can do the talking for me. For some reason i have to put my hopes on getting a DSLR on hold; on hold for a lil long time due to A REASON. Why does this always happens to me? The best part is i can't even talk about it here cos it is too CONFIDENTIAL! Damnation!

I'm waiting for my love and Fiza to come over to fetch me and stuff me with Nasi Ayam as i is so hungry. I feel sorry for love . Because of whatever that is happening, he had to cancel his plans to get a new phone. And he already saved up for it. I'm sad. Plus my bloody moodswings and all. Which is really bad. =(

And oh. I just got discharged from the hospital on thursday. Was warded for the same old thing. This time not much people visited me and thats cos love didn't really inform anybody. So did i. It kinda slipped my mind. I was too sick.But guess what?

I still went to ZoukOut! Haha! sakit- sakit gi ZoukOut. Giler.
It was fun but not for me cos LOVE spoilt evrything!!! And i mean everything seh!
Ae ke patut die tido all the way and i had to accompany him!
NBCB KAN!!!!

Nvm. I made him promise me that next year he's gonna buy the tickets and make sure he doesn't spoil the night. AGAIN!

Masih geram tapi tak gune lagi sebab da lepas. DOn't expect much pictures. Like i said, no camera = sucks. Some pictures taken by friends ade kat Facebook.

Nak camera la!!!

2009-09-19T15:14:00.002+08:00

Ok. Its been ages since i last updated. My bad.
Been super busy lately with work , school ( i had my exams and i think i'm screwed ) and modelling.

Oh yeah. A mini update.

I am now modelling for JEFFREY CHUNG MODELS PTE LTD. I won't really say it's a good agency but im having fun. The best part is I'm selected for the calendar shoot.
I know, me? Calender shoot? Haha..well we shall see how it turns out.

Oh fasting month will be over in hours time. Besok da raya for you all.
I'll be working my ass off at Paragon. Don't get me wrong.
I want so bad to celebrate raya with my family.
When i say family mean my dad,my mum n my elder brother. Ever since parents divorced, i nvr felt happy during raya. I don't even buy the baju raya. I'm sad. Super sad.

Hmm..boyfriend was being such a sweet ass and got us a pair of baju raya.
Irregardless of me being a bitch he still takes care of me.
Oh we had almost a month of " time- off " and i must say i really enjoyed myself indulging with work and work and work. But i still missed him.

I love you Boyfriend even though you irritate the hell out of me.

and oh pictures and videos of my JCM Model Search will be up soon.
When i find them .
Haha

So, SELAMAT HARI RAYA to you people!
HAve fun! And forgive me for my wrongdoings.

2009-07-22T20:16:00.002+08:00

Yeah I'll officially announce that I am a confirmed case of H1N1.
Yes I am. I was so shocked when the doctor called me and informed me the results.
Well i took it easy actually, not my managers ( Bernard , Idi ). Penakut. Haha!

And oh.

Thanks Don for the " well wishes " .

Don : quarantined?
Me: no confirmed.
Don : well done
Don : hope you die soon

-_______-"

2009-07-21T20:50:00.003+08:00

***** Michael says:
Ya
But u shud just concentrate on ____
[ K h a t y...::: what about me? I've been loving you ever since.. :::... says:
cn u tell me wats rong with u
***** Michael says:
Nothing
It's just too impossible to carry on like that
[ K h a t y...::: what about me? I've been loving you ever since.. :::... says:
straight to the point
***** Michael says:
The more I give out my feelings for you..the more painful it will be
[ K h a t y...::: what about me? I've been loving you ever since.. :::... says:
u like me?
***** Michael says:
Like duh
But I guess it's impossible
[ K h a t y...::: what about me? I've been loving you ever since.. :::... says:
omg seriously?
***** Michael says:
U shud just carry on with it 3 years
Alrite
Forget bout wat I said

Ex - boyfriend.
-___-"

2009-07-20T19:26:00.002+08:00

"Hey boy.

Quick get yourself a girlfriend so that i can take my mind off you.

I'm sick of this game. I love you but what is going on in your mind? "

Modelling

2009-07-10T01:25:00.002+08:00

I was checking my email when i came across an email sent to me from ZIrca. It was about some modelling agency looking for new faces or something like that. Anyways, I decided to sent my pictures just for the fun of it..who knows i might be selected kan...

Haha...so yeah..

And oh! This came in the mail today!

I'm so happy!

* do happy dance *

2009-07-08T16:23:00.002+08:00

member muke sedih je i cut hair..haha

I'm gonna trim it somemore cause i'm having troubles styling it up. -_-"
So yeah.
What do you think??

Haircut

2009-07-07T03:23:00.002+08:00

Guys! Guess what??

I've cut my hair today! Like finally!
Haha! I miss my long hair tho...haiz..tu la gatal kan..

Anyways,,shall post the pics up soon.
Now i'm too lazy to go find my memory card reader.
So yeah.

I'm gonna wash my mask off now and go to lala land.
It's so hard i can barely move my lips.
Its so hard to even smoke! Haha!

Nites!

Stupid gerl you ever met huh?

2009-07-02T14:55:00.002+08:00

I feel so stupid. How could i be so naive as to think that what i thought was true? Urgh i hate this feeling already and knowing that makes me feel worst. Yes its a mistake done but i secretly love this mistake. Why? I don't know. Maybe cause I've never forgotten the past. THAT past.

I felt so comfortable and i had fun all the time.
Urgh! This just sucks!
Thank a lot k? You managed to make a fool of me AGAIN!

Boy, this is for you.

2009-07-02T02:30:00.003+08:00

I've never gone with the wind, just let it flow

Let it takes me where it wants to go

Till you open the door there's so much more

I've never seen it before

I was trying to fly but i couldn't find wings

You came along and you changed everything

You lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around

You make me crazier, crazier

Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your eyes

You make me crazier, crazier , crazier

2009-07-02T01:12:00.008+08:00

Pictures of the CLEO Ultimate Challenge
27th June 2009.

And the team consist of Eki,Nadiah,Khaty ( Me ) & our dear team captain Julie.

2009-07-02T00:41:00.003+08:00

I'm so freaking bored laaaaa..
I've been listening to Crazier by Taylor Swift repeatedly and its starting to annoy me.
Hahs!

Somebody layan me please.. I'm going loco and its only the 3rd day of my quarantine.
Sheesh..

2009-07-01T19:20:00.002+08:00

I know you're tired and stuff and I do want you to get all the rest you can get but can you please wake up soon cause I'm missing you so bad..

2009-07-01T03:17:00.004+08:00

This was on 20th June 2009. The canoeing session.
So play with our feelings la!
On the real day takde canoeing langsung!
Anyways, me and Julie canoed 3 times wherelse the rest once. Haha
We did it for fun!

so yeah after the canoe session, me and the girls had our lunch then went our separate ways. I went for the 98.7FM beach party n yeah.
Next will be pics from the real day itself.

2009-06-29T16:24:00.003+08:00

Hello!
Here i am starving and i have to wait for ages till they can release me.
I'm bored too. Nasib baik duduk sebelah plug boleh charge laptop. Kalau tidak, tido la nampak nye ku.

Faster la 530pm! Wanna know why?
Cos they told me they serve us food after 530pm!!!!

BOOOO!

2009-06-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

It was disappointing that we didn't win but we sure had fun.
Good job girls!

2009-06-25T14:39:00.002+08:00

I need running shoes but i'm way too busy to get it from Siti dearest.
I need a backpack but my daddy is being all lokek and stuff.
I need a camera and again, daddy being all lokek and stuff. - cibai.
I need lots of rest yet i get effing bored when at home.
I wanna go out but i'm super broke.
I want boyfriend to be here now but i'm effing pissed with him.- $^%$#&$###@
( tu nak maki takleh nanti kene terajang ngan die haha )

I want MR Bulat to be here with me too but nvm.

I can't wait for saturday! I'm gonna get darker. Get to see hot guys. Hot girls. And run like a big elephant.

You know what i mean kan people?

Kepala otak korang ar.

2009-06-22T16:30:00.002+08:00

The beach party after my ClEO ultimate challenge tingy. After out picture was taken, we were approached by the NEW PAPER reporter. How cool is that? Haha.

http://www.tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,205688,00.html?

Heres the link.

Just a few lines je..but ok pe..

Kerana mulut badan binase,

2009-06-21T22:36:00.002+08:00

I don't even know where to start.

Why does it hurt so bad when it seems MY fault?

" u know u should watch what u say."
" think before u speak"
"to u it may be fine but not to others"
"for no reasons, things are misunderstood"

i was chatting with someone whom i always joke around with when it seems that i said something wrong. I thought i was joking because we were but clearly to him it wasnn't. I'm sorry about that man. I didn't mean it in anyway. Seriously.

People keep saying this to me but what went through my mind was, how come it doesn't apply to themselves when to me, sometimes they do say the wrong things. To me especially. I never did tegur them because i didn't want to seem ngade ngade which i also got from some people. It just makes me sad that to them whatever i say is not important or hurtful but what they say is not. I wanted so bad to tell him all this but i figured its not important. Again.

Sincerely, I'm Sorry.

You know what? I think i'm just gonna shut up and won't talk unless they do. I hate being alone ( which im already am, always )but what can i do. People just don't like me. I guess its my bad that im such a bitch and a i suck at having people called "friends".

"Friends" of 8 years calls me a snob and a bimbo.

UNFORTUNATELY for the world u have the looks.

I just laughed it off but inside i was hurting so bad that after something happened i walked off for a while for a smoke and a good cry.

I have never did say anything. I always keep things to myself and i never tell them how i felt all this years because that will just end up they ganging up on me. Even if i do voice out, to them its not important or they just pretend they don't hear a thing and they'll go " I see".

I had some stupid moments years ago . Some are true but some are just fitnah. But no one ever believed me.

Im tired. Im tired of having to pretend everyday ans smile when im not.
Im just so tired.

2009-06-20T23:35:00.003+08:00

I just came back from a long day at sentosa and i'll be going off again to ECP for Hanafi's birthday bbq pit. And the best part is kan. I'm having a fucking fight with this pantat and its pissing me off; not forgetting the fact that i get uber grumpy when im super tired.

9am
Reached Vivo City on time but dear Miss Nadiah and her friend, Siti both came later than that.NBCB. But its ok because i had a good laugh this morning. Heres what happens.

Nadiah: Khaty! Kedai da bukak? ( Are the shops opened?)
ME: Err..duh no. Why?
Nadiah: Ala! I wore slippers of different design and colours!!
Me: LOL!!!!!

I really laughed out loud! Haha. Pagi-pagi pulak tu! Terus hilang seh ngantok! She arrived 930am and when i saw her i couldn't stop laughing. And of course she wouldn't stop complaining. So we went to cheers to get the cheap slippers and she took forever to decide and look for her size. After that we to the sky train station and waited for Siti who came around 10am?? I don't remember.

Arrived sentosa. The staffs there are so uber friendly ( and cute boys too! ). There are staffs who are assigned at each skytrain station and they have to wave every single time the train arrives or leaves. -_-"

I would be soooooo embarrased but hey i think its kinda of a fun job.

K the canoeing part. Each team were briefed and steps were demostrated on how to paddle and all that stuffs. It was so funnnn!!! It was so fun that my team requested we go a second time; just for the fun of it. =)

But then guess what? ME and Julie ( our team captain ) went for the 3rd time! Haha..we helped out thats why and we're even thinking of joining the club. Tangan cramp cramp tapi best. Nak gi lagi! Btw Nick, one of them is sooo HOT!

Off to Coffee Bean to have lunch and after Julie and Siti left, Nadiah and i waitd for our boys to arrive. Hers came first and soon they left me, all alone.

Fuck la! i waited fucking 3 hours for you sia! What are you? A fucking girl??! NBCB.

Yes, I was so fucking pissed.Nasib baik ade Mee Soto. Kalau tidak da perang dunia.

It was close to 6pm when we reached the 98.7FM party. First thing that came out of my mouth was " banyak nye YPs!!!!" Haha! Seriously, there were so many of them i felt old. It was fun making fun of them and laugh at their antics. We played the uber kurang ajar Twister and stayed to " party" for awhile before heading home.

And oh! A NEW PAPER reporter ( journalist???) approached us and interviewed us about the party. I wanted to be honest but like not nice kan..so tapis tapis sikit la.

And now..

Im just waiting.
Pe tak nye! Gadoh lagi!
nbcb nbcb nbcb nbcb nbcb!!

2009-06-20T08:07:00.002+08:00

Morning.

Im going off to sentosa now for some CLEO ultimate challenge canoeing practice tingy.

In other words,i don't know whats going on but im just going cos im in the team.

And i can't be late.

Chiaoz.

2009-06-19T19:09:00.005+08:00

I got school at 7pm and here i am still lazing at work.
Hahs..i'm tired and lazy la...

Ok ok i gtg.
Everybody is nagging at me already.

Hmph!
Takde org kesian kan ku.

Btw this boy here is an asshole. Haha!

For those who knows..he was part of my life - FOR A MOMENT.
But it did affect me so yeah.

Hes been an asshole n he is still an asshole.
But he makes me smile and laugh every single time we chat.

Oh...~

2009-06-15T00:25:00.002+08:00

I have work tomorow in the morning at 8am and here i am at Grandlink Square. haha. I was here with Hanafi and Hilmie ( my 2 crazy Seoul Garden collegues ) playing Left 4 Dead when they had to leave and now i'm alone.

Yes.
ALONE.

How sad can that be?

Anyways, we finally completed the finale of " No Mercy" without getting killed by the Tank. If u guys know this game you'll know what i mean.

So now i'm just waiting,waiting and waiting.
With people looking at me weirdly.

" Why is this girl all alone playing Left 4 Dead?"

what? Cannot isit? haha.

And this boy who keeps telling me hes on the way. Tapi tak sampai2. pantat tol.

2009-06-14T16:08:00.001+08:00

The gathering.....hmm what can i say...

i cried!

Hahs.

I'm a wimp i know.

Susah sangat pe???!!!

2009-06-12T23:36:00.004+08:00

Korang2 tak paham eh gathering tu maksudnye ape??
Otak mati eh?

Ask so many questions step kau datang gitu!
Satu ngade2. Lagi satu leceh nak mampos. Abeh lagi satu anything.
Kepala otak ar. Lepas tu kalau tak ramai turun, back out.
Lagi best cancel terus! Pastu mulut bising cakap selalu plan tak jadi.

PANDAI SGT PLAN AR?!
KALAU FIKIR SENANG SGT PLAN!

Satu2 ckp miss u la...meet up soon la...itu la..ini la...
HABUK PUN TAKDE.

Korg gi tanam la kate2 korg. tu semua tak perlu!

NI kalau korg last min back out jugak ku tak tau pe nak ckp.

Look i know u guys are busy and all but i'm sure u guys can spare a lil time pe. Join for dinner pun tak pasal la. We planned and informed a week beforehand tau!

dalam bahase melayu yg korg paham kan..= PADAHAL DA INFORM SIANG2!!!

Urgh.
So frustrated.

ku nak tgk ku nye Hannah Montana.
Jgn ganggu.

NBCB tol.

Merajuk.?

2009-06-12T16:35:00.001+08:00

Merajuk?
Me ? Mane ade merajuk?

Tak merajuk la!!

-_-"

2009-06-12T03:14:00.002+08:00

Yeah. I know I'm suppose to be asleep at this hour since i have work tomorow at 8am. But i can't sleep and i don't know why. I'm having fun chatting with this asshole though. Haha. One sick pervert you.

I'm having my "that time of the month" and I'm having bad cramps apart from the ribcage pain too. So combo la. I don't even feel like going to work tomorow. But more work = more money. If only i enjoy my work ( Oh idi/mas, i DO enjoy working with you two except for bapaknye je.

Not hate. Just not fun and comfortable thats all.

K. now I'm sleepy.

2009-06-12T00:47:00.001+08:00

S-L-O-W

That's was what i got for staying and helping out.

Stupid " VIRGIN" Boy.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Giler.

2009-06-11T13:06:00.001+08:00

Urgh.

This took forever!!

Lingers.

2009-06-11T10:26:00.008+08:00

Over the weekends, Siti and Dewey sleptover at my house.We had fun yeah especially the LEft 4 Dead part. Haha! Siti kept on squeling for god knows why.She thinks shes actually the survivor , actually killing the zombies. I taught both of them the right method and also one of the cheat code. Satu je. Takleh banyak2.

After that, Anwar brought us to this 24 hours mini stall for supper. There was egg tart, the beancurd tingy. In other words, i don't know what they are called but i do eat them when i have a chance to. You guys watched Phua CHu Kang? Remember his workers? Ah Boon and the other one? Always going for tauhuay break? Ya that beancurd thing.Haha.

I let Dewey and Siti have my bed while me and Anwar slept on the floor in the living room. We woke up having cramps all over but we didn' t say a word. I got hungry - so did Siti so we washed our faces, brushed our teeth and went down to grab brunch. There was nothing except western food. I ended up having cirit birit the next day. Haha. ( what is the exact spelling of the english version eh? ) Anwar left shortly for his family gathering.

By 4pm if i can remember correctly, Siti and Dewey left. I laze around chatting with the "VIRGIN" boy and then i received a text message from Syuk asking me out to catch a movie. I was broke so i declined his offer eventhough he wanted to give me a treat.

But i did went out with Anwar. To catch a movie. Haha. Hes my boyfriend so its different. I promised Syuk i'll go out with him next week and yeah! We caught Night At The Museum 2. For those who has yet to catch this movie. GO! Its hilarious.!

***********************************************

Tuesday
9th June 2009

(ceh macam nak tulis novel gitu)

I just stepped out of my house thinking that i was running late for work when i received a call from a very familiar voice. SOmehow, the way he just asked me what i was doing just reminded me of someone but i couldnt make out who he was in my mind.

Me: Hello. ( panting cos i was walking extremely fast )
Him: Tengah buat pe?
Me: (silence then )sape ni?
Him: Da tak ingat i lagi?

Then all the memories rushed in. It was him. The boy who fidgets when hes nervous. The boy i thought i could trust and i did actually loved him.

Me: Oh you..
Him: Macam tak suke je..

Haha. Actually i wasn't expecting him to call since he went MIA and completely ignored my calls during those times.
Whatever. Hahs It still bothers me.

Im still wondering what those tears are for mister. And why was i stupid enough to actually fall for every word you've said? Haha. No i'm not mad at you. Never been. Just sad. I felt bad enough and you know why. But what u did to me was unexpected. If you got bored or disgusted, the least you could do was tell me. You haven't change a bit;well at least from where i was listening.

****************

It was nice to be able to hear your voice again.

I missed you.

New Skin

2009-06-10T17:51:00.004+08:00

Hey guys. As you can see i changed my skin. Again.
I got bored you see.

Haha.

K i got nth else to blog about.

I gotta go get ready for school fast.
And i got this fucked up pain just below the ribcage.
Its killing me!

CIaoz

This is CRAZY

2009-06-10T00:05:00.003+08:00

Hey guys. I just came back from work and yeah i did my second closing shift. I still have lots to learn and guess what? I had a freaking relapse just now during closing. ( I have severe tension headache in other words migraine) I was like " not now not now". Khidir ( one of my part time partners was nice to stay till 10pm to help me out since i don't really remember what exactly to do and seeing that i was in pain ..he stayed. Aww..i love u ma man! Haha.

Idi one of my shift managers was so busy with his re-stocking he hardly had time to teach me like he promised to. So after Kid left..both idi and i did the rest and we went off to chill nearby. We irritated each other like we always do and then finally decided pto take the cab home. Haha somehow i kinda expected cos he was soooooo tired. I always have fun working with him. Even tho he annoys me 24/7 he still does his job as a shift manager. And oh ya, did i mention i worked with Mas? At Starbucks? Mas is the shift manager there too. Proud of her huh guys? I am. But damn she scares me when she go all manager-ry on me. Haha. I love u babe.

I don't fancy my store manager for some reason but hes OK la. Hes just doing his job i guess but still he gets on my last nerves and for those who knows me well, u know how i feel right....~ Haha..i always get fuck up manager. My luck i guess.

Guys!! This saturday!! Small gathering la. Da lame tak jumpe..first time tau Mas free. ( THATS BECAUSE HER BOYFRIEND MASOK NS!) haha..pandai eh kau MAs. If u're reading this..
" Pantat kau la!" haha. Giler.

Anyways, i'm working for 5 days straight not forgetting the fact that i still have to attend school at night. Its like opening.closing,opening,closing.....nak bunuh ku agaknye dorg.

K i wanna go shower and have my dinner which daddy bought for me. I'm actually too tired but im not gonna waste the food.

"He was suppose to come over but he changed his mind again! I missed you already. You promised tomorow so you better don't back out of i'll burn both your bike and your truck."

*lights a cigg*

peace out. ( WHAT THE FUCK?)

JERK

2009-06-01T02:18:00.003+08:00

I just came back from meeting my ex - collegue from HOtel 81. She was at work and oh i missed her and her birthday. Oops.

So i was at home watching tv when i got a call from her.

Me: Hello. Wassup?

She: ( crying ) Dia btol2 nak cancel.

Me: What??! Where are you now?

She: At work.

Me: Wait. Im coming down.

Luckily Anwar was available so i begged him to accompany me there. We rushed down and when i saw her, her eyes were so puffed up n swollen from all that crying that i felt so sad for her and angry at that jerk of hers.

It all started of a small lie. I woulnd't exactly call it a lie not because i'm on her side. Sial la setakat bag je seh. Merepek pe ni jantan.

A few days ago was her birthday and she got a present from her manager ( a guy ). Apparently Albert ( the manager ) didn't know what to get for her so he passed some cash to Nisa, one of the collegues there and she bought the present.

Jerk: Birthday Nisa bile?

She: 29 April

Jerk: beh u belikan die ape?

She: tak beli ape2 ar. birthday i die tak beli kan ape2.

A mistake done.Knowing jerk so well, she tapiskan kata2 die la. Then she explained and apologised but then on the spot he flared up and minta putus!
Its just so stupid la. Because of that??

Jerk is not working and depends on his family business ( parents ) for money and also from my friend. If i were her , since he already did shit to her lots of times; they were together for 8 years, i would just let go. I don't want a useless guy like him to be my husband. He dumped her on her birthday itself like wtf. She so deserve someone better. I advised her as i too have went through this before except the fact that i did not tunang. But the guys a jerk so i really wanted her to think it thru. Its not fair for her at all. She gave him everything! Car. Bike. Cash etc....

And oh i also told her to take back the car cos its under her sis's name so he doesn't have the fucking right to keep it.

Come on guys, so doing this to us girls. I'm not saying that all girls are nice, there are some bitches here and there but please stop being unfair to girls.

Haiz. I really hope she'll pull through. We're just gonna wait and see what happens next.

I feel for you girl. =(

2009-05-03T05:21:00.002+08:00

SOrry for the hiatus.
My lappy. The hard disk crash. CIbai.
Everything gone! GONE i tell ya!!
Urgh.

Anyways, i just got back from clubbing with Khai , Siti and Dewey at Rebel. It was Khai's Birthday once it hits midnight so we threw him a mini surprise!! Aww he was so touched that on the way home in the cab just now, he gave me a big hug. And in addition for his birthday, he got himself a number from a girl. Progress i tell ya. Progress.

K im just too lazy to blog right now because im so tired and i just want to lay back and watch more of Hannah Montanah. Don't laugh!

Shut up.

2009-04-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

I've RESIGNED!!

And i'm damned happy about it.

2009-03-29T04:35:00.002+08:00

Fuck la. This blog is fucking boring la. I really don't now to create my own blog layout la. This jst sucks la. If only someone out there is nice enought to revamp my blog la. I will be happy la.

Wtf.

2009-03-29T04:02:00.002+08:00

Hey i read Nurul Aini's blog anf found out that whenever her family has a birthday party , they always have interesting themes. INTERESTING i tell ya.

Like recently it was " Anak Metropolitan ".

Haha..Its fun!

K Anwar's birthday is coming up soon and i have no idea what to do!! But i know what to get him though! Just wait for my next update! Lucky i was being a good gerl at work last month so i have extra $200 to spend!!

Urgh.

2009-03-24T09:48:00.002+08:00

I am so frustrated.

I'm at work now ( attached at New Changi Hotel ) and since its so boring and theres nothing to do, i decided to study ( revise la katekan ). But i can't seem to get anything into my head. I know by saying that its been ages since i studied or open up a school book is not a good reason. But what am i to do when i'm trying so hard and nothings going in? I did everything! Reading and rewritting or whatever methods that have been taught in school ( during my west spring time we had to do lots of memorising and i never had problems for my literature, well almost ) . Someone please just shoot me. My teacher in my current module now which is Event Management shared us a method which was also what i learned in secondary school days which is to turn notes or possible answers into questions. Some i was able to but the rest i just can't seem to find the right one.

Like for example this sentence/note :

Events can be generated by the Government,corporate and community sector for various reasons.

So how do you turn that into a question?

In addition, i was suppose to work at 7am today and i confidently thought i worked at 9am. How dumb. I got myself into deep shit due to my own stupidity. Stupid. CIbye.

Urgh.

2009-03-24T05:34:00.002+08:00

Yes. This hottie was on my bed waiting to be opened up by me. Thank you Daddy!! I love you!!

3 hours till work and i haven't slept a wink since i woke up for school. After school i met up with Yati then went off to his place and left dinner outside his door. It made me felt a lil relief. But his " appreciation" was not what i expected. So much for being nice and caring. Hmph! Anyway we took the bus down to Bukit Panjang Plaza and waited for Sida who was on her way to pick us up for dinner. We decided on Al-Azhar. Yum yum. We didn't know where else to go and so since we love singing so much we went for another karaoke session. Decided on the Party World at Shenton Way and we got lost for a lil while. Terpusing-pusing seh drive around CBD area cari itu tempat. Ade GPS pun tak gune haha!

Sida and I wanted to get Vodka 7-Up and we did. Yati acted disappointed but she ended up drinking it anyway. Minum sampai last2 plak tu. Mcm paham nye anak. Haha.

Pictures will be up soon. Till then, i got to go iron my shirt for work and damn i left my badge at my branch and im working at New Changi Hotel later which is going to be very very boring. I just hope i don't fall asleep.

Toodles.~

2009-03-23T07:58:00.003+08:00

I just got home and i'm sleepy but i want to watch the whole chunk of movies and Naruto in my lappy and i'm worried of him. Worried that he might be late for his first day of work. Worried he might not have cash for lunch and transportation. Worried he might not be able to adapt or make new friends. Worried. worried.worried.

I sound like a mother. Shoot me.

Btw, do you know what i wanna do with my life? I wanna finish up my Higher Nitec course asap and pass so that i can enter full time poly and then pass ,get diploma and join the force. I can't decide . Police Officer? Prison Warden? CNB? Ive always love the uniform group but i wonder why whenever i tell others of my plan, they'll show me the " biar betol ni pompuan" face.

Chibai. Don't i look like the blue kind?

If all else fails, i'm just gonna find myself a "datuk" and marry him and rot with all the wealth in gonna get. Haha so not gonna happen.

Sad.

2009-03-23T06:02:00.004+08:00

Its just so sad that you don't realise your ego all this while. Yes i am potraying my ego to you as much as i hate it myself. I just can't help it. How many times you want me to repeat? Hmph.You just won't understand what i'm going thru these days. Sometimes i can't stand being around you especially when you're being childish. And sometimes i just want your attention all to myself and just want to say it out loud that i love you. Urgh.

Guess what? We were suppose to attend Wan Beng's wedding ( one of the Reborn guys ) and i was really looking forward to it and this asshole sengaja tak kejut me. SENGAJA! Just to get back at me!! How childish can that be? I can't believe i was with him for 2 years wasting my fucking time and effort on him for nuts! I cried cos somehow it hurts badly. Well Mr-All-High-&-Mighty, you succeeded. But you're messing with the wrong girl.

And yes. I succeeded too.

*Grin*

Sekali kau buat ku, sepuluh kali ganda ku balas.

I'm mean.

I'm bitchy.

I know.

Thats my way of a ninja.Haha tkde link.DOn't you guys watch Naruto?

2009-03-22T05:29:00.004+08:00

As u can see, I've changed my skin. But its not really what i was looking for. Since i'm at work and have to make it snappy, i'll make do with this for awhile till i find the one or till i learn how to create my own. Work was ok.

I had another fight with him again and this time i made him cry real bad. How mean was i? I felt so bad and i almost cried myself but i was too mad. Well my ego got the better of me. I'm a mean mean woman. I know. You know what you did ok. So don't push it.

I just can't help myself. It's not intentionally that i started being mean and bitchy towards you. I'm just angry. I don't like you getting all high and mighty on me. And i don't like you pushing me. Yes i am still angry. Yes i still regard you as my ex-boyfriend. Yes i can't forgive you. Can't you give me time? You did too much shit to me that its hard for me to forgive you just like that; just like how i always do last time. I still love you. Yes i can't deny that. Please. If i really don't care about you i wouldn't waste my time helping you in any way. Planning your future,pocket money, dinner with you, bring your mum out or even see or answer your calls. All i'm asking for is you to understand what and how i went through and feel then and now. I want you to grow up and realise. But now all you think is yourself. See.

You never changed.

" Eu juz b wit someone who is better den me..Infact im just wasting ur money n tyme lyke eu said..B4 things get more worst..Enuf khatijah..I wanna change juz for eu n myself..I realise how bad i used to b..I know i made a mistake..N i make it up..Itz juz eu..Eu wont forgive me..Eu didn't even know wat eu did..Eu alwayz put it on me.. Me me me..Till now eu nvr say sorry lau eu da maki,hina,kutok,hurtz me..Im nt giving up..Itz juz tat we ve to move on..Kita tak boleh all the way mcm gini..Eu know wat i mean..Im sorry..Further more i b taking public transport..N im sure eu can adapt wit it..So no need to trouble eu again..".

Yeah..
Its you you you.
Its always about you you you.
See for yourself.

I belum bukak mulut. Remember that.

2009-03-09T10:16:00.002+08:00

I am HAPPY!!

Firstly, I'm working with my all time favourite Mr Eric Ho from H81 Cherry. We so want Coffee Bean! I asked Anwarto help us get them and he was nice enough to help us or rather just me.

Secondly, i called all the locals polytechnic to enquire about the admission and stuffs. And finally, it is confirmed that i am able to enter poly using the cert im going to earn at the end the course which takes me 1 year 6 months. Fiuh! I'm glad i'm not wasting my $3K.
Hehe!

Ok now lets get to sad part.

I just realised that instead of once a week (currently my classes are held every Friday), its now held every Monday,Wednesday and Friday. So its interupting my work roster and i don't know what to do. I have talked to my manager about it and i even called up my HRM to talk about it. Well at least for a few mins. He said he will call me back but i've yet to receive any call from him.

Urgh.

Its either i transfer out to another branch or i'll have to resign which is sad cos im really attached to H81 JOY and this job. And the money is good. In addition, its the recession period its gonna be very difficult for me to get a new job in a month. I'm really sad and i have yet to decide on what to do and i've only have a week left till the new timetable starts.

2009-01-26T04:41:00.003+08:00

It brings heartache and tears to your eyes.
It brings eternal happiness and precious memories in your life.

That's the true meaning of love.

I miss you with all my heart abg..

2009-01-15T02:03:00.001+08:00

I need to go for facials.

Really.

2009-01-09T06:20:00.001+08:00

I did nothing.
None of what you're doing to me.
Why?
Why are you doing this to me?

It hurt so much.

Lost

2009-01-09T06:16:00.001+08:00

He moved on.
I lost him.

I don't know what to do.
I'm lost for words.
Im lost.

Omg.

I still love you.
Omg.

Hospitality

2009-01-06T02:43:00.002+08:00

Its gonna be my 3rd day in hospital..
Which means 3 days w/out smoking.
Yeah..
That's the only thing on my mind now.

I WANT TO SMOKE BADLY.

Oh please please get me out of here fast.
The agony..

Well at least the good thing is i have my lappy along.

* I've been labeled " RISKS FOR FALLS "
What the hell?

Oh its Ward 58 Bed 29 people.

2008-12-23T13:17:00.005+08:00

"oh i miss u so"

We're done.

Yup.

U know what u did eh.

I shall not elaborate more here.

" Enough is enough"

*********************

*Work.

Been promoted.

Yea.

Gotta buck up on my punctuality & attendance.

MIA

2008-12-19T15:53:00.004+08:00

Ok ok.
I know..
Its high time for me to update this stupid blog
but hey!
I'M A BUSY GIRL!!
I swear!

Anyways..would be doing a mass update when i'm free and not sleepy.
Been sleeping in front of the laptop with the webcam on lately.
Ultimate malu-ness!!!

k ciaoz.

Oh btw, did i mention i bought a lappy??
Sony Vaio CS.
RED colour!!
Woohoo!!

K this is getting annoying.
I know.

Gosh it hurts.

2008-10-17T04:37:00.003+08:00

Yeap.

I did a terrible mistake.

I don't wanna lose you.

You're too precious in my life.

Please forgive me.

2008-10-17T04:31:00.003+08:00

The raya outing with the KBPS mates.
All smiles.

The raya outing with the Seoul Garden mates.

Simply loved it.

A proper update soon.

i hope so.

Hate myself

2008-10-17T04:30:00.001+08:00

Hello.

I'm really starting to really hate myself.

Really.

The series of my ADVANCED BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-10-10T20:56:00.004+08:00

Heloo people..
I've spent 2 days of my advanced birthday with my friends.
& collegues!
How sweet of them..
Tho there are some sad moments.

08/10/08
The night at O Bar with Syuk & Liz.
Syam & Nora was suppose to be there but for some reasons they couldn't.
Well Syam did came but when the club was closing that is!
So did HArith. He gave me a pink rose.
Then some unhappy moments after that which i'm not gonna mention.
I was extremely sad.
Liz even went off w/out informing before hand.
Was pissed and sad.

Then Syuk & Harith cheered me up by bringing me to ST James Powerhouse!
HAd fun.
Met some old friends and made new friends!
Was almost drunk tho.
Had breakfast at MAc Donald then went home around 8am.

10/10/08
Came to work 4 mins late.
I could smell KFC right from where daddy dropped me off.
Weeee~
Changed, then went to the pantry where they all sang birthday song for me.
Was smiling from ear to ear.
Rand and Wilson gave presents that they wraped numerous time.
I had a hard time opening them!
Hmm..being the only girl at my branch isn't so bAD after all.

Niwaes..Nora had her present for me delivered by a chambermaid.
haha..

Presents received.

2 boxes of Hotel 81 tissue.
A BIG cup.
A cute miniature Baby Tigger.
A pack of condom.
A Ralph Lauren make up bag in purple colour.
A big box of FERRERO ROCHER>

Loving it...
Will update pictures of all the presents received soon.

Please tell me i should do.

2008-10-07T17:25:00.003+08:00

I'm seriously feeling helpless.
PLEASE. Tell me what i should do.

If you really meant every word you said.
Then why do i feel you're getting further away from me?

2008-10-07T17:14:00.003+08:00

Oh btw.
Did i mention i got a job?

Its been 4 months since i joined HOTEL 81.
Yeah.

Alot of things happened during this period of time.
I have a lot of BEES flying around me and its getting on my nerves.
Oh. Not to forget FLIES too.
I feel like a piece of shit rather than a honey pot.
Well at least thats what my colleague calls me.
Another even called me RAFFLESIA ; its a BIG flower that stinks.
Really stinks.
Wat the hell.

Urgh.
Can i just die??

Oh i wanna get myself a lappy.
Any lobang?

My birthday is coming.
Presents anyone??
Please??

Im eyeing on this particular item that i don't think i can afford even if i were to work for 10 years. So it'll be great if someone nice out there to get it for me.

Happy Birthday to me.
YA RITE.

FRUSTRATED. SAD. ANGRY.

2008-10-07T17:01:00.003+08:00

I'm fucking frustrated right now.
Very.

1. Heres a msg for u. : U left me and created a big scene. U embarrased me iN front lots of people that i dun think they need to know bout it. Yet now even wheh u " so called want me back " u still holding on to your story. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

2. And u! U're seriously getting on my last nerves.
Just fucking tell me what the fuck u want from me!
JERK.

3. Well. Some people just have to be "nice" when it comes to money matters.
Urgh. I have nothing to say to that.
I'm still gonna be nice and not say a thing to that.

4. Susah sgt ke untuk ku nak cari kwn?
Damn i hate it when this happens to me again and again,

I'm just so saddddddddddd.
Its been 3 years since i last celebrated my last HARI RAYA with a full FAMILY.
it sucks.

Sedih la..best part is.
Its my birthday month.
I just got dumped.
I'm all alone.
And its Hari Raya.

Wow.
COuld it get any worse?

2008-06-15T02:04:00.003+08:00

Using Abg Latiff/Jalil's laptop so i'm typing as fast as i can.

Mass update.

11 june wednesday -
Went to MOS with Dewey & Siti and joined Zul's group.
Had lotsa fun & Siti was a bit drunked.
Bumped into Zhuri too.
I got pissed with Siti at the end of the day.

12june thursday -
Went to NUH to visit Kak Nad. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIRTH OF UR BABY BOY!!
Then love sent me to town to meet Siti & Dewey and he went off to Dbl O.
We walked to Cathay to catch a movie.

The Incredible Hulk.

Hulk.I swear i din't wanna watch at all, But i did anyway.
No regrets.

so..waited for Kenneth, Don and Khairul.
Kenneth who took the bus came way earlier than that stupid Don who claimed he could reach in 5 mins.

Khairul told me he was actualy drink-riding.
i gave him one tight slap.
He deserve it.

After the movie...

Took pics then walk to this coffee shop to eat supper.
Then love came and joined us.
& he pissed me off too.

edit some other day if i rmbr
till then.
i'm still homeless and putting up at my fren's house.

2008-05-24T02:41:00.002+08:00

He doesn't care.
If he does.
He would have done something by now.
He would be here talking things out with me right now.
But no. He never did anyway. I want so much for this to work. But he just won't do anything.
He doesn't want to change at all.

I still do love him.
And yes i hate him.
The hatred i have towards him is so big that i even dare to curse him non stop.

Where the fuck is he.
Gosh i hate u.
I fucking hate u for everything u have done to me.
I fucking hate u for everything that u have not done for me.

2008-05-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

What do you take me for?
I've put everything into this relationship and what the fuck did i ever get from you?
I've given you lots of chances.
I gave you my trust. & i trusted you when you said you would change.

DID YOU?
NO YOU NEVER DID YOU JERK!!!!!

I hate you!
Why won't you change!!!!

2008-05-24T01:12:00.002+08:00

you went overboard!

u da melampau!
tak semestinye i diam u leh continue uat i cam ni!
enough is enough!!!

i fucking hate u dammit!

2008-05-22T23:16:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i sat down and didn't say a word.
Tengah fikiran.
Da macam batu tak bergerak langsung.
Kept crying.

I just felt so hopeless.
Helpless too.

Fuck.
When will this end?

anyways.
Love FINALLY brought me to dine at Fish & Co!
Loving it!

But now hes off to Dbl O to celebrate Nazim's birthday. - His abg sedare.
Now i'm all alone here.
Sudin was nice enough to lent me his lappy or else i'll cry of boredoom.

Tomorrow i'll have to go to 3 interviews.
12.30pm , 1pm & 2.30pm.
How nice.

2008-05-20T02:14:00.003+08:00

& oh ya.
I won't be online that much since my dearest computer is still left in that fucking house.
So if i ever have a chance, i'll blog.

I'm gonna miss my BABY ( its my cat; Lely )
If those asshole ever throw or mistreat my cat.
i'll give them HELL.

2008-05-20T02:03:00.003+08:00

Finally.
I'm out of that house.

Yep.
Ku dah kene halau dari rumah tu.
But what hurts me the most was that my own mother didn't say anything nice & went along with her dear husband.
Fuck them.

I totally hate my mum & i'll kill that asshole soon.
I feel so hopeless right now.

Now im putting up ( temporary ) at a friend's house.
& I feel so embarrased about it.

How worst can my life get huh?
This sucks.

& to top it all.
Love had to make me feel worst by putting the blame on me indirectly until i had to scream at him.
Fuck all this.

From now on.

KU TAKDE MAK.
TAKDE BAPAK TIRI- i never even accepted that asshole in the first place.

Only certain people would know where the fuck i'm putting at.
I don't want anyone else to know.
To those who knew, i'll skin u alive if u ever open your freaking mouth.

I need to think of what I'm gonna do with my life right now.
I need a job. BAdly.

& Dad. Please find a house fast so that me u n abg can stay together. Like Finally.

And.

She left me for that bodoh girl.

2008-05-19T02:58:00.002+08:00

I'm pissed.
Down right pissed.

Why the fuck did you have to work on public holidays?!
& you don't even get double pay for it!

& YOU!
Better stop asking mw stupid question cos ure getting on my very last nerve.
Ask again & i swear i'll run you over with daddy's truck.
NOT.

Just stop asking.

2008-05-18T06:07:00.003+08:00

Hola people!
I just came back from MOS & right now i'm calling love to wake him up for work.

I didn't really had fun just now as it was jam packed with earthlings & as usual it was only me & Dewey ( & Zhuri too! )
Dewey was in his own world so i was practically left alone while these two goons went around looking for ladies.

So i entertain myself to the music & danced my legs off!
Well, not really. Hahs.

So yeah Dan & Ken was there too.
So was Aniqah, Zul ( my primary school girlfren's brother/cuz ) & some of their peeps.
And oh one of my favourite bouncers was on MC so i didn't see him at all.
But Shah ( i think that was his name ) was on duty.
Saw him while waiting to collect my bag.

Overall.
MOS sucks just now
But its ok.
Not too bad.

Now i'm not sleepy but having a very bad headache due to intoxication.
So tell me what should i do huh?

I'm hungry tho.

2008-05-15T19:28:00.002+08:00

Hi.
I'm Khaty.
I have a stepfather and his name is Azhari.

He is a idiotic fucking asshole mother fucker jantan sundal kepala buto sial suar anak haram jerk.
& hes not dead yet.
So i hope this mothe fucking stupid idiotic annoying jerk would just die.

Thank you.

2008-05-15T03:30:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep.
Haiz..

Today went out with love to catch " What Happens in Vegas "
It was hilarious & fun to watch.
Romantic too.
We were laughing our ass off i tell ya!

Then head down to Mustafa Centre to buy cat food & love bought me Ferrero Rocher!
Then we had a fight.
Why do sweet things ends with pain all the time??!!
Dammit.

Then i was locked out of the house as usual.
So had to wait around 30 mins before the people finally let me in.

Mother fucker.

It sucks i tell ya.
Now im hopelessly useless as im jobless & bored to death doing nothing but sleep my ass of.
I gotta go for my bike pract soon.
I wanna get my license before my birthday please.

Dammit.
There's no one online.

Am i the only one whos not in school & jobless?
Wow.

I am useless.

2008-05-12T23:29:00.004+08:00

Ok.
Make this a make up entry for yesterday ( 11th May 2008 ) since i've just installed the net.

11th May 2008

Yes.
You sucked big time on this day.
It was suppose to be a lovely & happy day for us.
But nooooo..
u had to make me cry.
its ok.
idiot.

Happy 19th months to you love!

* i still can't update pics here using this comp of mine.
someone help me clear the viruses away please.
Thank you

2008-05-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

& oh.

I bought a GUESS handbag for dear mother for Mother's Day.

How weird that i really wanted a GUESS handbag & wallet for myself but didn't get any since like forever?

Huh?
I want YOU to get it for me.
a nice,expensive gorgeous one please.

Thank you love.
I'm still waiting for it.

Lapar lar.

2008-05-12T23:06:00.002+08:00

Hey hey!
Yeah it's been weeks since i blogged.
That's cos i'm no longer working and i don't ( didn't ) have internet access at home.

Well now i do.
Need it anyway.

So yeah.
Past few days has been rather boring and being very broke.
I didn't go out much.
Which i really wanna do especially with love.

So i've been a good girl and laze around at home & Abg Joe's crib.

Nah.
I did went out at night tho.

Thursday - Dbl O with love,man,one-of-his-guyfren,zhuri,carrot & dewey.
We continued the night/morning partay-ing away at MOS.

Saturday - MOS.
With some peeps who left at 3 am leaving me alone.
Lucky for me.
Zhuri decided to come.
& i really found myself making friends with some i-wouldn't-call-that-weird-people.
haha
get what i mean?
No?

NVM.

Love was at Zouk with his station mates. & he bumped into Dewey.
Wait.
Did i mention that Dewey dumped me at the very last minute?
He changed the bloody plan and went to Zouk w/out telling me.
Fuck you Dewey.

Haha.
So Zhuri sent me to the carpark where love was waiting for me.
So sweet of him to actually fetch me.

- i find it weird tho -

Morning was our day.
But he totally messed it up.

Cry cry cry.

I hate/love u.

2008-04-30T14:08:00.002+08:00

Today is my last day.
So i won't be online that much.

They terminated me.
Haha.
I suck.

&

how do u feel when your boifee wants to spend time with his friends than you on public holiday?
Me?

I don't know.

2008-04-29T16:35:00.002+08:00

I wanna get a new job!!
I'm so fucking pissed!!!

They don't even tell me anything about the medical leaves!!.
So what? Kalau ku sakit dah nak mampos kat tetap nak potong gaji ku??!!

Fuck la!!
3 fucking days sia they cut!!!
fuckfuckfuckfuck!!!

I've only used up 3 days this month!!
Fuck be fucking reasonable!!

Nabei!!!

Hate that mother fucking old hag IRENE.
Go fuck yourself old lady.
Fuck yourself.

Bodoh.

2008-04-29T14:21:00.003+08:00

Cravings for Fish & CO.

Slept in the meeting room again.

Wat a life.

Babygirl, mane kau?

Tsk.

drunkkkkkeed

2008-04-29T08:41:00.004+08:00

Remember i told u guys that i will type out a long post on our night at MOS ( Ministry Of Sound )? Well here it is.

I came home from work & straight went to sleep. BIG MISTAKE. If i didn't sleep i would not have been late to meet up with Dewey & we wouldnt have to pay $20 plus! My bad. & so cabbed down to clarke quay,queue up cursing every single vulgarities i could think of; i was so sad & mad at myself! Dewey called Naq to ask her where the hell she is & she invited us to join her at the bridge. Drinking.

Here where it ALL started.

We talked & joke about. I was starving so my dear sweet Dewey went to 7/11 to get sandwiches to fill up my tummy as i don't wanna get drunk. I was observing Naq as she pour a cup or two of Vodka Absolute- just a lil bit of it. & as she gulp it down her throat, i could see the change in her face. But i didn't think much about it. But knowing that shes not a strong drinker, i SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! All of us were talking about bike practical when i suddenly realise Naq was keeping quite- main angin katekan. BIG MISTAKE NAQ!

Me : Oi kau ok tak?
Naq : * just nods her head
Ayunn : Byy u ok tak? Jgn ikut kan.
Me: Ah. Jgn Main angin. Bukak mate!
Dewey: Naq! Don't keep quite! Talk & u'll be ok!

Haha..we were soooo wrong. We kept talking to her but she just wouldn't open her god damn eyes! Then she complain about headache etc...haha..it was hilarious. But scary shit la cos when she stand i really thought shes gonna fall off the bridge with that kind dizzy wuzzy head. She could hardly stand! So she tried to lie down lots of time. All of us were telling her not to. She was swinging her head here & there. Haha. Da mcm rolly polly.

Ayunn: Khaty, die nak gi toilet.
Me: Ohk. Yom!

So i walked her to the toilet,holding her tightly. I was so scared she would just collapse on the floor. But she vomitted right before we took the stairs down. & my shoes got a lil good wash of vomit. Thanks Naq! She ran to the toilet!! Amazingly!! i was shocked! Haha..she really needed to vomit thats y.

After all that. We headed to MOs. finally.
When we all thought she was ok, Shes not!!!!!
She suddenly just collapse & tore her new reef slippers.
We kinda ask/beg her to pretend thats she sober while entering & once inside.
She was on the floor.
Haha..Brought her to smoove cos shes not the trance type. YOU CANT SHUFFLE LA NAQ!!!

Ayunn & I had to hold her & dance; like a sandwiche. - Imagine sendiri la. satu depan.satu blakang. as she kept falling everywhere & wouldn't open her eyes!
Dan came to join us & when i went to have a smoke in the smoking room, i asked Dewey to take care of her & Ayunn for 5 mins.

5 MINS!!!

When i came back, Ayunn was gone. Everyone of us were looking for him! I was like " how could he just leave Naq like this?"

Padahal. Ayunn dalam toilet.
TIDO LA!!!
YUP! AYUNN WAS DRUNK TOO!!

Thats the weirdest part ever. He looked so ok & was taking care of Naq & suddenly hes drunk & sleeping in the toilet. Wat the hell. Ahahahahah.

While dancing. Me & Dewey really had to on hold her. Then,someone tap me on the shoulder.
It was Dan.

Dan: Who did u came with?
ME: * pointing to the ppl i came with
Dan: Why arent u at Trance?
Me: Cos i have to take care of DRunkked Naq?!

He looked & stated laughing out loud!
haha.i gotta agree with him thou. Suddenly Dewey shouted my name.
I turned around to find Naq flat on the floor!
Haha..kelam kabut kita angkat die sampai terantuk kepale!

Gave up. We made her sit at the smoking room. I went to look for Ramija. Which was good cause she slapped Naq hard on the face. She was mad. Very.
OOps.

After a long while. NAq was a lil bit ok.
BUT ALL OF THEM WENT MISSING!!!
I WAS ALONE!!

nasib ade Dan! lau tak da mcm budak bodoh sorg2 kat MOS.

** to be continued

2008-04-28T09:07:00.004+08:00

Hola people! i've got tonnes to update! I mean lots!
But too bad i dun have pictures for them. ( i so need a camera ! )
Boo-hoo~

Nevertheless, i'll just rattle on & u guys just try to create the pictures in your head yar?
Well here goes. I'm gotta go date by date so as not to confuse u - well more likely confuse myself.

20th April 2008.
As per stated in the previous entry, i've waited for him for HOURS. Which pissed me off further not to mention the hurt & thought of just murdering him!
Well it kinda pay off cos we kinda got back together. Well at least thats what i thought.
I repeat.
I thought.
Not feel.

Yup it felt weird & painful actually.
I felt that someone was beginning to mellow down.
Beginning to really " ya ya wadever. da tkde rase pape agi" kinda tingy.
I'm not sure if it was me or him.
But that feeling was strong. & i was scared.

Days pass by. He still hurting me. But i'm too afraid to voice out. Afraid we'll get into a argument again. Hes a fucking egoistic guy who tak akan terima kesalahan nya. Tapi akan sedar biler da terantuk. FUCK.
But now im still hoping it'll get better.
& that he change.

25th April 2008
MOS NITE.

I shall narrate this in one whole entry later.
Its hillarious. Well at least for me!
Fuck you if you think its not!
Ahahahahahaha.

26th April 2008

I woke up at Abg Joe's house just to find myself having to help Kak Nora cook for Salleh's Kenduri Cukur Rambut anak laki nya. ( baby son ). It was fun i tell ya! Yeah a lil out of shaped paru here & there. Fat & thick 'kacang panjang' which i called sayur hijau bodoh cos i had no idea what its called before hand. Dear was nagging at me all the way to do it right and really learn how to cook. & i dragged him into helping me do the cutting as well.

I know. Smart move huh? Lol

I was mumbling to myself that i wanted ice-cream so bad. & was like " mane seh apek ice-cream ni! Ayg i nak ice-cream la. Belikan McFlurry oREOSundae pleassseeeeeee...."
when he stated ringing his bell! Woah talk bout nick of the time.
I'll bet when you think u're gonna die & wish to have your last ice-cream this apek will be there ready for you!

---To those perverts out there. THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

Cook till 9pm & we got ready to go to Tanglin cos the Reborns are having meeting. Of all places TANGLIN?? So i sat down with some of the ladies whom im not close with & stare into space.
They are the Hot Kakak2 ok. & I'm still a kid. ok a 19 year only.
im the youngest! apart from Abg Joe's daughter Shila.

WENT FOR SUPPER at Bedok & realise i have a swollen back.
talk,talk,eat,eat. then headed for home pack ayg's uniform & slept at Abg Joe's house while the rest gamble in the living room. Urgh. Oh nangis jap. Haha.Slept very late K..

27th April 2008

11am. woken up by Kak Nora ask me to help her cook again.
I went " HUH!! I thought we're done??"
Salleh ckp tk cukup!! SO i had to do everything alone & i had to rush.
I could hardly open my eyes.
After we're done.
I had my lunch & slept.
Woke up,watch TV, shower then i realise the kitchen was a total mess.
Kak Nora had not slept so i let her sleep.
I tried my best to clean up almost everything & by the time i got home.
I was beat.

Talk on the phone with dear for awhile & went to sleep.
& here i am.
WORK.

Unhealthy

2008-04-24T11:10:00.003+08:00

Yeah.

It says it all.
I've been falling sick on & off.
24 hrs.
Its either I'm sleepy or tired.

Fever.
& not to forget getting drunk.
I was almost dead drunk last Saturday.
hell yeah it wasn't a pretty side of me.

& oh.
I've not ate a single thing for 1 week ( or more ) already.
just no appetite at all.
slept thru my lunch time every single day.
i swear i felt like dying.

& I FELT I COULD JUST MURDER SOMEONE.

I really felt like shit. I felt that i didn't deserve to be treated this way.
I felt that, enough is enough.
But i knew i couldn't lie to myself that I'm craving for you.
I was treated with disrespect & was given so much hurt anyone could ever bear.
I stood with head held up high to those whom im embarrased to face.
I was tortured mentally & emotionally.
I kept wishing this would end fast. I kept wishing that this would not stop.
Instead it got longer.
The nights of praying and begging didn't matter to you.
Every single day & night i waited for your calls/messages.
But no.
I got nothing but despair.
Even when i was begging you on the phone wailing my heart out.
You kept cursing me. & putting the blame on me.

We both know it wasn't me.
IT WAS JUST YOU.
You & your filthy reasons.
Your wants. Your needs. It was always about you.
And it still is till now.
I hated you so much.
But i love you just as much.
I decided to put aside my ego & went looking for you.
I felt like a dog. & yes that is how u treated me.

I waited hours for you alone. With the money i have. I can bearly do anything to keep myself strong.
U ignored me.
My calls.
Rintihan hati ku. Tangisan ku.

Theres so much i want to let out.
BUt im not even strong enough to think of all that shit u've done.
It brings sadness to me.
N im getting bored with all this.
I don't know why i'm still holding on.
i don't know why i'm willing to go on my knees for a low life like you.
But i know one day.

U'll get your desserts.
MArk my words.

/i'm not sure how many girls u've contacted.
/i'm not sure how many seconds of your life u've gambled away.
/i'm not sure if u've met all those ladies out there.
/i'm not sure if i even wanna know.

Patience; till when?

2008-04-21T15:43:00.001+08:00

People kept telling me. " Sabar Khaty. Sabar. Ini semua dugaan."

What the hell??

for u

2008-04-16T15:22:00.000+08:00

If a girl cries in front ofyou, itmeans that she couldn't take itanymore...
If you take her hand, she would staywith you for the rest of your life; ifyou let her go, she couldn't go backto being herself anymore...
A girl wont cry easily, Except infront of the person who she love themost, she becomes weak..
A girl wont cry easily, only when sheloves you the most, she put down herego.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of youplease hold her hands firmly, she'sthe one who would stay with you forthe rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you,please dont give her up, maybe bcoz ofyour decision, you ruin her life.
When she cry rite in front of you,when she cry bcoz of you, Look intoher eyes, Can u see n feel the pain nhurt she's feeling?
Think....
Which other girl have cried wif puresincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz ofyou?
She cry not because she is weak, Shecry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity,She cry, Because crying silently is nolonger possible, the pain, hurt, nagony have become too big a burden tobe kept inside...
Think about it...

If a girl cry her heart out 2 you, Andall because of you, Its time to lookback on wat u have done, Only you willknow the answer to it.
Ayg..Well i got this from the bulletins.Its not original from me, i know.But it reflects on us.u know how much i love u.& i'm tired oh having to go thru this over & over again.I dun want this at all.But if u refuse n stubbornly want ur way.It wont work at all.& stop lying to me.
Right now i dont trust u at all.Who knows what u've done behind me.
But i still love u so much.& even tho i'm the one who made this decision.I miss u so much.
But i cant take it nimore.u just refuse to face the facts.& im always the one to be blamed.
especially when i mengamok.do u think its fair for me?
U know how hurt i feel?I cant believe u would do those things to me.& the things that u've done.u keep doing them over & over agn.
I kept asking myself.Am i wrong to love u?Am i wrong o help u?Am i wrong to guide u?Mmg diri i sendiri tk btol.But im trying my very best to change. Not only for u. Its for us.For myself.
Why.?Knape u sanggup sakitkan hati i ataupun ketepikan i untuk dapatkan pe yang YOU nak?
My family does that to me.I didnt expect u would to.
If u think i'm selfish when it comes to ur future. U're wrong...I'm always advising u.i sanggup ketepikan semuanye untuk u.im always doing things for ur own good.U yang untung.Bukan i.
I'm proud to have a guy who is ambitious.Who is hardworking.But there're always a limit to everything.
including my patience.U slalu cakap i dulu lain skrg lain.have u asked urself that?Have u asked why im like dat?
I still love u like how i use to fall in love with u.Its still strong.But i lost my trust in u.
I hate u.Yet i love u.
Yes ive said a million times that im tired.& yes i am.VERY.bUT i put that aside cause i love u so much.If only u treat me better.if only u stop being ego.
I dunno what else to say or do to assure u that im sincere being with u.If i dun, i wouldnt give a damn with what u do in ur life.
Ive respected u. have u respected me as a gerl?Im rude to u i know.But its ur job to tegur.- the right way.Not raising ur voice on me.u dun like it when i raise my voice on u.its the same.
we have to compromise. ALOT.ive done my share.when is ur turn?i dun want to be the one leading.u're the guy so u have to lead but in the right responsible way.
am i always asking alot from u?am i?i keep asking myself that.yes.i want ur attention.Only u.no one else.& its simple.
if breaking up is the solution t all this.i've nth else to say cos im the one who initiate it.
Will u stop me?Will u?
please.
Please.Don't u love me?
* I LOVE U MOHD ANWAR *i really do

Pretence

2008-04-16T10:49:00.004+08:00

What the hell?
Perfect pic

********************************

Dun u just hate it when people pretend?

It's either they're pretending to be someone they're not or that they actually CARE for u.?
Haha..i happen to be surrounded by these kinda people.
But i don't deny that everyone does sometimes.
Including me,- usually some did for certain reasons;stupid or not.
See.
Ku tak tau malu kan kan kan.??

Whatever.

Confirm pernah blajar pasal "peer pressure-trying to fit in " or wanna be as cool as some people that they idolise. U cant blame anyone for that. Its life.

But it is kinda irritating don't u think?
I do.
Weird.

Btw people! I'm losing weight, yet again.
Been skipping meals lately.

"Ala org tengah patah hati katekan"

Wat the hell.

& yup I'm at work and I'm blogging.
If u're my Boss. Sack me.
LAME.

Btw i received a comment at frienster by this FRIEND/ex-colleague of mine whom I TRUSTED & LOVED. - ( observe the past tense )
Its about needing a friend,I'm there yadayadayada..

HAte it that i miss her.
But i just can't simply forgive her.

Will blog about it soon.
No mood.

P.S Don't ever betray your friends. And even if u find NEW friends. Don't forget the OLd ones.
u'll never know how painful it is. & when they " tegur " , don't deny cause EVeryone sees it.

OT-ing..

2008-04-15T17:52:00.003+08:00

*i miss u la pantat.

Hello ppl..!

Here i am..OT-ing again.

Bored.

Sleepy.

And did i mention that i have evaluation tonight at 9:55 pm?

i did?

Will u?

2008-04-15T14:18:00.008+08:00

Will you come and make peace?

Aren't you tired of quarreling almost every single day? We can so lovey- dovey at one time and be so mean to each other the next. I hate it. I hate to say all those mean things to u. and i hate to hear them from u too.. I LOVE YOU DEAR.

Don't you love me anymore? Or do u doubt mine? Like i said,isit soooo difficult for u to treat me nice? And for godsake please STOP thinking bout YOURSELF. Stop that egoistic bitching. It hurts. I LOVE YOU DEAR.

I've nvr asked much from you and you know that too..but why so ego? Yes i hate you now. But i'm missing you too. Missing u alot. Will u come?

I LOVE YOU DEAR.

Will you try harder to change.?

I LOVE YOU DEAR.

I'm really tired. I don't want to let go.But u made me. And i did.

Will u stop me?

I LOVE YOU DEAR.

****************************************

Will be having my evaluation again tonight. I know.

I suck at this.

Practice? Can't be bothered.

Wish me luck!

(Will you?)

TuEsday blues??

2008-04-15T09:22:00.003+08:00

Baik ar..
Pagi2 da nangis.
I'm really hurt.
ANd i need u badly.
But u're not here.
Infact.....

NO ONE IS.

Damn you all.

2008-04-14T18:34:00.008+08:00

GO TO HELL!!! WHY NOT U JUST ROT!! JERK!

Takde hati perut nye jantan! After all that i've done for u this is the " thanks" i get from u low life idiotic egoistic fucker.Yes u are a fucking stupid idiotic asshole!! Why did i even waste my fucking life & time with a fucking dumbass like u! Eh ku hilang kau ku tak rugi pe2 ar! *obviously im lying to myself*

LOOK! If u're sick and tired of me tell me la bodoh! Jgn uat ku mcm ni! GOD knows what u've done behind me!And now i'm telling u this.

I HATE U AND I'M SICK OF U.

FUCK OFF.

**********************

Why wont u change? Isit so difficult for u to treat me nicely?
What have i done wrong to deserve this from u?
Tak cukup ke ngan ape yg i da kasi?
instead of making things better. u make it worst! u noe how much i love u. u noe how i'm willing to do anything for u. I DON'T DESERVE THIS.

AND I'M WALKING AWAY FROM U DEAR.

This sucks.
you suck.

I'm too tired. I dunno how much longer i can take this. No one understand. in fact no one can. To those who knows my background,they would know how much i went thru. STILL..i'm going thru much more. And even they can't help me. Sometimes i realise that everything is turned to me. THEY BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING.

Some people are just so ungrateful. Instead of complaining or seeking attention. Be thankful of what you have. And if you are talking bout loneliness or fuck-up life. COME.

TAKE A SLOW WALK IN MY LIFE.

Family. Dad n mum divorced during my O' level period. If that is not sucky enough for me that i'm going the stress of having to manage and study alone not to forget having a boyfriend ( ex ) who's constantly beating me. To top of that. I had to work part-time in order to get my OWN pocket money. And the emotional pain. Plus all the fitnah about me lurking around the whole of Bukit Panjang - maybe the whole of S'pore. ( tsk tsk. these people really love to make me famous - not that I'm complaining ) And yes. i went thru this alone. You must be thinking. Don't you have an elder sibling? oh yes i do...an elder brother that is. Who thinks nothing but himself. i miss him pampering me tho. he's the only sibling i have. But he nvr fails to treat me like shit sometimes.

No worries. I still love u abg.

After everything was settled. Dad,abg & me were left homeless. We had to put up with uncles & aunties who eventually drove us out anyway. Dad did something that hurt me as his daughter. He "persuaded" my mom & my fucking asshole son of a bitch step dad to put us up till he finds a house for us. I could feel his pain. Oh bpk. Adk sayang bpk...! But you are given till May to find a house for us;when u promised DEC last year. And please,change for the better. The good bpk i know. You know what i mean. But now bpk is so busy working that he hardly have time for us. I MISS YOU LA BOTAK. i really do.

I love u pak..

Mum always prioritise that asshole. Everything is "Om this.Om that"..Yup we call him OM. Ugly. Like him. Hate him for not respecting bpk. Fucking shithead. Too much drugs up there in the head i see. And like i said to u that night.

"Kau pukul mak ku lagi ku pecah kan muka kau. " mcm phm. i know. Definitely i would call the Men in Blue to handle that dirty bugger.Wouldn't wanna get my hands dirty for such a lousy lowlife like him.

Life now is tiring for me. Very tiring i tell ya. had to quit school halfway to work full-time. Man i swear that even tho i hate that course, I would have just went to school for the cert if not thanks to my " Dear Lovable family who DOESN'T give me any money for school or transportation" Haiz..

Boifee - read the first paragraph.

I gotta go back to work. Will continue soon. If u're bored.

FUCK OFF.

N O N E

2008-04-14T15:59:00.005+08:00

trust me. this was my first tym wearing a mini skirt.i dun like.

People!

Wat do u normally do when u're bored?

Sleep? Eat? Or mayb a meet-up with the peeps?

Well as for me. ITS NOTHING.Yes.i'll do nothing.
Mendak nye hidup!!!~~~~

Sleep - even if i want to. I CAN'T

Eat - y bother?

get my ass outdoors and do fun stuff - LIKE WAT?

SEE.basically there's nothing u can do in Singapore. Especially when u're broke or when u have no one to go out with. i know. its pathetic. Like seriously,i need a hobby;or mayb i should sign for sports ( although i would prefer a dance group or photography classes ). yeah.

oh oh!! this is my first blog weeee~~~IM NOT EXCITED SO **** OFF. just wanna try out. hu noes i might get hooked. I'm at work actually and i have LOTS of work to do. But i'm so freaking lazy and sleepy..sue me but u cant blame me. I'm still feverish..( hell yeah i was on MC last thurs & fri and it was fucking boring i tell ya.)

And i'm freaking pissed with this blog tingy. ya ya i know if im pissed why the hell do i have one rite? i just dunno how to work this thing. and i cant figure out even tho i've spent hours on this which means adding to my workload every second.

Someone help me!

Testing..

2008-04-14T15:55:00.001+08:00

...Testing 123...yeah..
I'm trying to fix this blog;activate it actually.

*but i seriously have no idea how to.Just trying ,my luck here.