Yeah.

It says it all.
I've been falling sick on & off.
24 hrs.
Its either I'm sleepy or tired.

Fever.
& not to forget getting drunk.
I was almost dead drunk last Saturday.
hell yeah it wasn't a pretty side of me.

& oh.
I've not ate a single thing for 1 week ( or more ) already.
just no appetite at all.
slept thru my lunch time every single day.
i swear i felt like dying.

& I FELT I COULD JUST MURDER SOMEONE.

I really felt like shit. I felt that i didn't deserve to be treated this way.
I felt that, enough is enough.
But i knew i couldn't lie to myself that I'm craving for you.
I was treated with disrespect & was given so much hurt anyone could ever bear.
I stood with head held up high to those whom im embarrased to face.
I was tortured mentally & emotionally.
I kept wishing this would end fast. I kept wishing that this would not stop.
Instead it got longer.
The nights of praying and begging didn't matter to you.
Every single day & night i waited for your calls/messages.
But no.
I got nothing but despair.
Even when i was begging you on the phone wailing my heart out.
You kept cursing me. & putting the blame on me.

We both know it wasn't me.
IT WAS JUST YOU.
You & your filthy reasons.
Your wants. Your needs. It was always about you.
And it still is till now.
I hated you so much.
But i love you just as much.
I decided to put aside my ego & went looking for you.
I felt like a dog. & yes that is how u treated me.

I waited hours for you alone. With the money i have. I can bearly do anything to keep myself strong.
U ignored me.
My calls.
Rintihan hati ku. Tangisan ku.

Theres so much i want to let out.
BUt im not even strong enough to think of all that shit u've done.
It brings sadness to me.
N im getting bored with all this.
I don't know why i'm still holding on.
i don't know why i'm willing to go on my knees for a low life like you.
But i know one day.

U'll get your desserts.
MArk my words.

/i'm not sure how many girls u've contacted.
/i'm not sure how many seconds of your life u've gambled away.
/i'm not sure if u've met all those ladies out there.
/i'm not sure if i even wanna know.

Labels: Unhealthy